Archive | August, 2012

The Best Woman

19 Aug


Reflecting on my younger days, when I just could never stop smiling. It was like I couldn’t get angry at anyone or anything. I just lived each day as if it were its last. People would call me, “smiley” because every time they seen me I was smiling. The thought of who I was and what I became kind of brings tears to my eyes because I’m not going to lie, I miss that part of me.

I looked so happy that people thought I lived a perfect life but little did they know I did not. I was not perfect at all. Believe me, I had ups and downs like everyone else. There were moments that I would cry myself to sleep and felt alone because I was an only child in the house. There were moments when my parents would argue so bad that I would get scared and pray that my grandmothers who had passed were here with me. Sometimes I would just be in a bad mood and not want to be bothered with anyone but I had company over that I had to entertain and share with but I didn’t want to. Through all of those moments I managed to keep a smile on my face, no matter how the day went. My thoughts had kept me happy, every single day. There is nothing like going through life with a positive mind set. Its like nothing can phases you. Things that normally would drive people off the wall, would only strength me and teach me what I never knew before, but it didn’t anger me. If anything I would feel sorry for the person that was angry. I managed to see the beauty in every one.

Until I got tired. I got tired of me giving and not receiving the same respect in return. I grew angry because I thought that being tough and mean was more healthy. I thought being mad was better because those were the people who got all the attention. I grew distant, sad, sorry and miserable but I hid all those feelings behind men, sex and drinking. I also lost trust in everyone I knew.

You know its amazing how the world around you can destroy your piece of mind in an instant. My piece of mind was my positive thoughts that kept me grounded, positive and people envied me but were too afraid or jealous to admit it, so they tried to break me and hurt me instead. The sad part is that it worked but only for a little while. Long enough to help me realize, I don’t ever want to be like those people who got all the attention because, “all intentions don’t always receive good attention.” (AP) I learned from the best and I am now becoming my best woman. – Amber Patterson

A Message

16 Aug

I was thinking today about relationships and how much energy and time a human being invests in just one relationship. It frustrated me thinking about all of the times I invested in relationships that did not work out but I learned a lot from them along the way.

Then today I started listening to Beyoncé, “me my and I,” lyrics below:

Me myself and I, that’s all I got to till the end. That’s what I found out and it aint no need to cry cause I took a vowel that from now on I’mma be my own best friend.

It got me thinking about relationships, the existence and the distance a relationship is actually supposed to go. I’m talking about any relationship not just between a male and female, not just intimate relationships. I started thinking maybe most relationships have a purpose for the moment but are not intended to last forever.

For example: We tend to get mad or resent a person (one another) because that person just stops talking to us after a certain period of time and we are like wtf! (I didn’t do anything to you for you to ignore me the way you have been. Or I used to like this person but she has changed a lot and I think we just grew apart.) Things just don’t turn out the way we thought they would in the relationship we build together because things just simply changed between our interest and growth.

The example got me thinking we were born here alone, we are taught to sleep and eat on our own, everyone honors those who are “independent,” and self-made. Then why can’t we be happy alone. How do we as people know how to adjust to others personalities and build relationships that are long-lasting, when we are afraid to be our selves, be independent, live on our own and take care of ourselves.

My point is that maybe relationships are supposed to last for just certain moments in life. Most of the time, all you have is your self. Life is hard to deal with if you live your life trying to always satisfy everyone but You! There are certain people who you associate with  for the moment for certain reasons, that you build a relationship with but then eventually you out grow them. So be careful who you call your friends because everyone is not a friend but just a good person to associate with for the moment. In the end you meet a partner that becomes your best friend, then the love of your life because you both have a passion for something so strong that it keeps you both together forever and you build a life together based on all of the lessons that you have learned, so when the family you eventually chose to create grow up and use some of what you instill within them, also what they learn for themselves because everyone is their own person, which is why family must be so important because a piece of the members in your family is in you. Which is why the message, “me myself and I” is so important to understand. – Amber Patterson

THE OLYMPICS: Track and Field Team

10 Aug


Congratulations to the US female track team gold metal winners! Of course all of the women worked hard and ran a great game, but these ladies earned the gold.

Congratulations ladies, you represented our country well!!!

I also can not forget about the young and talented Gabby Douglass, who inspired so many people this year. She is AMAZING! Congratulations Miss USA.

Lessons In Life: Learn In life Don’t Let it Break You

9 Aug

Growing teaches you a lot of important lessons about life and I can say that I have definitely learned a lot during the course of 21 years.

The important lessons I learned were to treat others with respect and how to deal with the treatment from others. Every person is different and they are not going to always do things, the way you would like things to happen. From experience there have been a lot of people and moments that have let me down. So many that I started to take that anger and frustration out on people who had nothing to do with the person that caused my attitude to change. When I took that frustration and anger out on others, it only drew them away and I may not have known but they probably questioned my character as well. Believe it or not I was not always this girl who can’t trust, with an attitude and chose to be distant from others because of the fear that trusting in someone for once would back fire. I used to be this really kind, sweet, loyal, happy, friendly person but when I was that age people took my kindness for weakness. Therefore, I had to grow some backbone but now I realize I might have grown a little too much and cut people out of my life that deserved it.  Maybe I was looking for all the wrong things in a person which is not good because those type of characters never usually follow through with anything and are not loyal. So this summer I’ve managed to take a deeper look at myself, in and out. During this process, I grew to really love and appreciate myself as a whole (body, mind, and soul).

I think it is very important as women and men to really learn to appreciate and love your self during the course of your life because it makes life much more understandable and you appreciate everything that you have. Before I used to speak it but not actually look at myself and sometimes admit, I make mistakes and I am Sorry! I am sorry for giving up. I am sorry for taking my pain out on others. I am sorry for feeling sorry for myself and not believing that there is a bigger purpose for life. I appreciate me and my life. I just pray for better days and much success to come.  🙂

A Narcissistic/Controlling Mother

7 Aug

Who has a mother that is over baring, bossy, do it her way or no way attitude. Yup! That’s my mother for you. I’m sure I’m not alone when it comes to this issue.

Ever since I was a little girl my mother has always controlled my answers to everything and everyone. As you know there are so many opportunities in life that you just want to make count and take advantage of but NO! Not with a narcissist mother you wouldn’t dare. She has to have the say so first. I know its your mother and you have to be grateful for everything she  does because…it’s your mother! And she did the 9 months and was in labor……ya know.  Though she is your mother, there comes a time in life where you do become an adult of your own woman or man, and grow a brain of your own, which has taken a lot of time to be created. You know how I know? Because  it took 21 years to actually slow down. Therefore we don’t need another person trying to control it, its intimating our very own mind. Don’t you think? Imagine putting all of your hard work into something your trying to create and then this narcissist comes and tries to control everything and put her name on what you worked so hard to complete. That is what a narcissistic mother is like. A Pain in the Ass!

Bean quota: Love your mother, cherish the good moments you share with her but don’t be afraid to let her know you have a brain and you don’t need a narcissist, you need support. – Amber Pat


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