The Best Woman

19 Aug

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Reflecting on my younger days, when I just could never stop smiling. It was like I couldn’t get angry at anyone or anything. I just lived each day as if it were its last. People would call me, “smiley” because every time they seen me I was smiling. The thought of who I was and what I became kind of brings tears to my eyes because I’m not going to lie, I miss that part of me.

I looked so happy that people thought I lived a perfect life but little did they know I did not. I was not perfect at all. Believe me, I had ups and downs like everyone else. There were moments that I would cry myself to sleep and felt alone because I was an only child in the house. There were moments when my parents would argue so bad that I would get scared and pray that my grandmothers who had passed were here with me. Sometimes I would just be in a bad mood and not want to be bothered with anyone but I had company over that I had to entertain and share with but I didn’t want to. Through all of those moments I managed to keep a smile on my face, no matter how the day went. My thoughts had kept me happy, every single day. There is nothing like going through life with a positive mind set. Its like nothing can phases you. Things that normally would drive people off the wall, would only strength me and teach me what I never knew before, but it didn’t anger me. If anything I would feel sorry for the person that was angry. I managed to see the beauty in every one.

Until I got tired. I got tired of me giving and not receiving the same respect in return. I grew angry because I thought that being tough and mean was more healthy. I thought being mad was better because those were the people who got all the attention. I grew distant, sad, sorry and miserable but I hid all those feelings behind men, sex and drinking. I also lost trust in everyone I knew.

You know its amazing how the world around you can destroy your piece of mind in an instant. My piece of mind was my positive thoughts that kept me grounded, positive and people envied me but were too afraid or jealous to admit it, so they tried to break me and hurt me instead. The sad part is that it worked but only for a little while. Long enough to help me realize, I don’t ever want to be like those people who got all the attention because, “all intentions don’t always receive good attention.” (AP) I learned from the best and I am now becoming my best woman. – Amber Patterson

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