Tag Archives: Relationships

Question: What Women Really NEED from a Man..

19 Jun


For a while I have tried to figure out the answer to what I really want from a man. I have came up with a long list.  When I really should have been concentrating on what I need.

Like most young single women we want so much, but are willing to give very little. Then some, give too much while receiving very little in return. This could also be effecting your relationships or lack there of. So I starting thinking what is it twww.1coffeehouse.wordpress.comhat I really need!

Figuring out what I need prevents confusion based on illusions when I am attracted to a guy. It’s like running a mile race with no hints of direction, but you can still see the finish line. You need a guide and ladies your needs may be different from mine. For example, I will state what I need.

I need a man that can protect me from hurt by helping me feel secure in our relationship which means being consistent, persistent and stable. Share intimacy with me that my finger or battery device can’t satisfy nor replace. Provide me with company when I need someone to share my deepest thoughts with. A partner to help me manifest my goals into a reality. Even if I am successful at accomplishing some on my own, there is always room for more. A man that will respect my role as a women instead of taking advantage of me as a woman.

Men if your out there and understand, please come thru.

What I want is different from what I need. Wants can be impractical, illusive, physical and materialistic. It is troublesome and threatening to a male ego. It’s like a man meeting a perfectly good women but he doesn’t notice her because her breast are not enlarged or her butt isn’t big enough compared to Nicki Minaj i.e hurts female ego.

I am not implying that you should settle for less, but focus on what matters most. Do you often think about your needs versus your wants? If so, do you put your needs first?

On another note: I’d like you to take a look at the link below and think about your role as a woman. Also if you are a man, do you agree with Queen Wuraola-Zynab Ogunwusi objection to gender equality?

Love Don’t Give Up On Me!

27 Feb


How many people ever felt like giving up on love? How many times has love made you look like a fool? When did you first fall in love? Did your first love, love you back? How often did your definition of love change during the course of your relationships?

Many people believe that love is a defining moment in a relationship. It defines how serious the relationship is at the moment. Love defines how long the relationship lasts. Many people think that just because your in a relationship it is, because of love.From my experiences with relationships I learned that love is just the tip of the ice berg, but its not the defining moment, the core of a relationship is commitment.

Committing is something that many people struggle with committing to.So if your hoping that love doesn’t give up on you, commit to someone and something that your willing to commit to that is willing and ready to commit back to you cause we all know, it takes two. You will find that love didn’t give up on you.

How many people think they can change a person?

26 Feb

I have been so into new artist, K. Michelle’s song “Can’t change a man.” It’s just honest and to be honest a lot of people think they have that CONTROL! All we really end up being is controlling.

This does not just effect boyfriend and girlfriend relationships. This is about any relationship you have when you think you can change someone. You ever tried to change someone you really cared about, because you think they could do better and be better than their situation?

Well I have, but it didn’t go well. Our entire relationship changed for the worst. Changing a person is not our power. A person has to want to change and acknowledge the things they want to change. The best we can do is wait, patience is a virtue. We share our opinion, if asked. We can be leaders, showing by example. One thing we can’t change is a person who is not interested in changing.

Bean Quota: People who are trying to change a person need to make some changes within themselves. -Amber P.


Taking My Kindness For Weakness: Why Men and Women Think It’s Okay

1 Apr

Image Today, I been observing myself and my actions since I been in a relationship. I came to the conclusion that I made some mistakes, which is normal but things become a problem when I feel I’m giving to much and not getting enough in return.

In a relationship you shouldn’t feel like your receiving the back hand. I think it’s important for couples to share the amount of love and respect they have for one another. Don’t we all? We continue to believe in this but time and time again, continue to fall in the same situation that we experienced before. Lets just say, we heard it all before.

What I have observed is that my kindness can get taken for weakness. Once a person see’s your guard down, things become a whole other ball game. For example:

  • Ladies and gentlemen have you ever felt like you giving too much and you are not receiving the same care, compassion, loyalty, and affection?
  • You ever felt like you are starting to worry too often and you are not receiving the same attention?
  • Have you ever felt like, maybe your significant other is trying to tell you something but not directly and you can’t quite figure it out? What ever the cause may be it’s driving you crazy.

Maybe its because you are giving to much of your self when it’s not even necessary. Yes your partner still cares about you, thinks about you and loves you. You may be feeling differentlyImage because, you are loosing your self in the relationship. You need to take the time that you need to think about YOU and appreciate YOU instead of putting your relationship in place of YOU time. IT’S NOT OKAY! For example:

  • Don’t text your partner everyday, all day, all the time.
  • If you send him a message and he or she doesn’t respond when you want, its a sign your investing too much time into one person that isn’t You and you shouldn’t be.
  • If you are constantly complaining to your friends and family about things that don’t need to be discussed and are not a big issue. Leave it alone because your investing too much time.

Yes there is  a limit to “relationship investing,” and you don’t have to make it a full-time job, it can be part-time with a bonus.

ImagePart=partner, Time=half because you fill the whole, Bonus= attention, affection, love, a day good for your relationship if necessary and he or she, attitude is commendable.

Relationship in The Military…

20 Mar

ImageI have been recently dating the most wonderful young man I could ever have in my life. The hardest part about the relationship, is that he is in the military. In the beginning I thought, this is going to be a, “piece of cake.” I’m currently about to graduate from college focusing on pursuing a career and he is being brave in the military. For me the distance can be so annoying, worry-some, tiring and just plan long……..but I do it because the relationship we are building is so worth it. 

I’m looking forward to him graduating and being home with me after three long; though, logically three quick years to pass by. I know that this year will be the most challenging because our relationship is fresh.

ImageIf you find dating or having a relationship with someone in the military challenging, please share your thoughts. I hope I’m not alone..

Building Relationships

11 Feb


The Dictionary Defined Version of a friend:


A person whom one knows and with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations.

Add (someone) to a list of contacts associated with a social networking Web site.

As you can see in the definition above, there are a lot of things that have changed in 2013. My way of showing an example is defining a friend. A lot of people are quick to claim a person they have met as a friend but have not defined what a friend really means to them. For example, the drama and fighting performed on reality shows, yet they call each other friends. This is not only changing the respect in friendships but changing the respect people show to one another. Today is the first time I have actually ever defines the meaning of a fiend.I only would try to imitate what i saw on TV, around the household, when others are out I observe the crowd.

My definition of a friend today, is not defined by social status nor satisfaction. A friend is a person that is supportive and reliable. One that will always attend to your greatest endeavors and small ones. A person that wants to see you grow and achieve your goals in life to the best of your ability. Most of all, has the same out look on life as you because when you have a friendship that is reliable anything from a friend is attainable. -Amber Pat.

The problem is that we never take the time to really observe ourselves. Define our personal traits, values and the meaning of a true friend or just a supportive relationship. This can affect future relationships that are so quick to attain but quick to get ruined.

This post is not just about friends this post is about how important it is to define you and drawing a connection to those who are supportive of you and your goals. People think they know but they truly have no idea.

For a long time I didn’t define me, not because I was scared, I just didn’t take the time and didn’t know observing myself and taking the time to get to know me was so important. I also didn’t realize how liberating it would feel. Once you know who you are, you are able to build better relationships with others through out life.

Bean Quota:

Take the time out for you because you are important more than any one or anything.

A Message

16 Aug

I was thinking today about relationships and how much energy and time a human being invests in just one relationship. It frustrated me thinking about all of the times I invested in relationships that did not work out but I learned a lot from them along the way.

Then today I started listening to Beyoncé, “me my and I,” lyrics below:

Me myself and I, that’s all I got to till the end. That’s what I found out and it aint no need to cry cause I took a vowel that from now on I’mma be my own best friend.

It got me thinking about relationships, the existence and the distance a relationship is actually supposed to go. I’m talking about any relationship not just between a male and female, not just intimate relationships. I started thinking maybe most relationships have a purpose for the moment but are not intended to last forever.

For example: We tend to get mad or resent a person (one another) because that person just stops talking to us after a certain period of time and we are like wtf! (I didn’t do anything to you for you to ignore me the way you have been. Or I used to like this person but she has changed a lot and I think we just grew apart.) Things just don’t turn out the way we thought they would in the relationship we build together because things just simply changed between our interest and growth.

The example got me thinking we were born here alone, we are taught to sleep and eat on our own, everyone honors those who are “independent,” and self-made. Then why can’t we be happy alone. How do we as people know how to adjust to others personalities and build relationships that are long-lasting, when we are afraid to be our selves, be independent, live on our own and take care of ourselves.

My point is that maybe relationships are supposed to last for just certain moments in life. Most of the time, all you have is your self. Life is hard to deal with if you live your life trying to always satisfy everyone but You! There are certain people who you associate with  for the moment for certain reasons, that you build a relationship with but then eventually you out grow them. So be careful who you call your friends because everyone is not a friend but just a good person to associate with for the moment. In the end you meet a partner that becomes your best friend, then the love of your life because you both have a passion for something so strong that it keeps you both together forever and you build a life together based on all of the lessons that you have learned, so when the family you eventually chose to create grow up and use some of what you instill within them, also what they learn for themselves because everyone is their own person, which is why family must be so important because a piece of the members in your family is in you. Which is why the message, “me myself and I” is so important to understand. – Amber Patterson


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